In a world where dating has become a battleground of mixed signals, unrealistic expectations, and fast-fading connections, author and sangoma Nokulinda Mkhize is offering women a powerful guide to love.
Her latest book, Kitchen Wisdom: What We Hate to Hear But Need to Know About Men and Romance, brings age-old relationship truths back into the conversation. With a mix of traditional teachings and modern-day realities, Mkhize challenges women to rethink their approach to romance and reclaim their power in love.
For Mkhize, the inspiration for Kitchen Wisdom came from years of observing a troubling pattern. “As a sangoma of 17 years, I’ve witnessed how many women try to juggle being successful modern individuals while longing for a healthy, loving relationship with a man,” she explains.
This struggle often leads to painful compromises. “Women are complaining that ‘amadoda awayekeki’ (men are irresistible), but at the same time, modern romance is bringing them immense pain and heartache,” she says. Many women find themselves navigating the tension.”
Kitchen Wisdom is not a dating manual filled with sugar-coated fairytales. Instead, Mkhize revives the candid, no-nonsense advice once shared in kitchens by mothers, grandmothers, and aunts—wisdom that has stood the test of time.
“Just because we are modern in our lives does not mean our hearts are modern in their feelings,” she notes.
Among the hard-hitting truths in the book are principles such as “Never Chase A Man” and “Do Not Do Wife Things Before You Are The Wife.”
She also highlights the dangers of “Fake Friends and Frenemies”—women who, instead of uplifting each other, create toxic environments that make navigating love even more complicated.
But at its core, Kitchen Wisdom is not just about men. It’s about the importance of women’s support systems. “Strong relationships with other women are complementary and necessary in having a balanced view of romance,” Mkhize emphasises.
She urges women to surround themselves with those who help them make wise decisions about love rather than those who encourage destructive patterns.
A Valentine’s Day Must-Read
If you’re looking for a Valentine’s gift that’s more than just a fleeting romantic gesture, Kitchen Wisdom is the book to get—for yourself, your sister, your friend, or any woman trying to make sense of love. It’s a book that encourages women to embrace romance with both their heart and their head, ensuring they make choices rooted in self-respect and clarity.
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